A Brewed Response

Apparently my last major post actually received more than 30 hits, which 30 is usually my average. I guess what bumped it up to 100 or so was the fact that people shared it on social media, and that’s what I want to talk about in this blog post. Because! Elsewhere on Facebook, some people had some comments for me. I know this because I was able to see the comments because someone shared my link to my blog post that I posted on my own wall.

It’s just kind of funny what people will say when they don’t assume that I will read or see their comments. And instead of just replying on a Facebook wall, I decided to blog my responses.

Here are their comments:

Pixelated censorship ftw!
I’ve been brewing up a response in my head for the past two weeks. Why do I have to be so brewed?
Here are my responses:
R. –Is it just me or does she talk about drinking her Latte’s black about halfway through the article?”

No. I don’t know who “she” is. But if by “she” you mean “me” whereby “me” as the author of the blog post, I am very much not a female, and I can say that with supreme confidence.  I know, I know…my talking about pumpkin spice paraphernalia and the use of a Jimmy Fallon-dressed-up-as-a-preteen-girl-going-“EW!” in a GIF for that blog post is probably misleading.

For proof, here’s a dashingly handsome picture of me with my overly adorable chihuahua who is a she, but not the author of any blog posts unless she’s some super secret spy dog when I’m not looking:

Lastly, I’ll admit that I did not make a clear distinction that I was comparing a latte to a brewed coffee of pumpkin spice nature. “Black latte” sounds like such an impossible feat that only snobby, pinky up, get-what-I-want-all-the-time types would request. 

A. –yeahhh, i noticed that too..hahah i think it was twice”

Even more admittedly, I did Google how to make a latte prior to taking pictures for that blog post. I even attempted to froth milk: 

But never have I ever steamed or frothed milk in my life. And I failed. It never frothed so I gave up and proceeded to make my intended Catholic monk pumpkin spice latte as a non-latte, which is fine because I drink my coffee black, and I normally don’t go for variations on a coffee theme like lattes, espressos, macchiatos, Americanos, Cheetos, etc. 

Oh and does almond milk make a difference? Maybe, because I switched from soy. And I only like cow’s milk raw because I’m not a 2%er. And I no longer work 10 minutes away from a raw dairy farm. So there’s that. #MildlyLactoseIntolerant

D. – “Um…this seems like a really long winded commercial for coffee made by monks. And some tool bag who thinks he can make lattes black. Lol”

This is by far the most offensive comment because I’m seriously offended that you equate me with a tool bag. A tool bag doesn’t have rational thought or feelings or chihuahuas (though they have the capacity to carry them) or the ability to attempt making failed lattes! >_<  

Of course, we live in a world where it’s okay to call things what they’re not because we feel like doing so.  But even then…

A tool bag doesn’t equal a human being. But this one has lifetime warranty. #Craftsman

Thanks for denying my humanity, but I forgive you. 🙂

But if you are suggesting that I am a “tool bag” because I possess tools, then I’ll take that as a compliment. In my blog post, I utilized my mathematical skills as a tool for analysis to objectively prove that I save money not buying Starbucks pumpkin spice lattes and buying/brewing my own black version.

Or if you are suggesting that I am idiomatically a “tool bag” or as Urban Dictionary defines: 

 …then you’re somewhat right. I’d like to think that I’m not a loser so I do try too hard to be cooler, but perhaps the difference is that I’m actually kind of cool as I’m not running a fever. I’m not better than a Starbucks barista because I clearly fail at making lattes (see above). Hey, while I do blog, I don’t expect a lot of people to read any particular blog post (see top) so I’m automatically not the focus of many peoples’ attention. Even still, to keep my ego in check, I’ve totally gotten into this Litany of Humility. It’ll be useful when I actually get good at making actual lattes and start making Facebook comments about said latte skills.

Oh and I don’t get smuts… much less smuts with diseases because that’s

There I go again… I’ll probably get mistaken as a girl elsewhere on Facebook…again. smh 

Lastly, #nonsacramentalConfession — it was indeed a long-winded commercial for monktastic coffee. Have you ever met a monk or friar? They’re pretty cool. They live purposefully and intentionally poor lives so they can dedicate any work they do for the greater glory of God and to better serve the rest of us. Sometimes that involves making great coffee. Sometimes they skateboard. And they’re not typically allowed to have Facebook so they can’t comment on things on social media. Must be nice to have that sense of peace.

D. – “He can also change his oil cheaper himself”

I know, right?! I don’t even need to do mathematical computations to prove that! But in all my humanity and laziness, I’d rather pay someone else to change my oil. See, I can afford to do so because I’m not spending $12 a week on a daily pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks, Monday thru Friday. $12 x 4 = $48 (AKA, what I save in a month) which is more than enough to cover for a quarterly oil change.

Besides, waiting at the mechanic is where I get some epic reading and blogging done. 🙂

A. – “Might as well go live off the grid”

Interesting that you should say that because I’ve recently been inspired to live off the grid by people I met while visiting a Benedictine monastery (more monks!). The monastery is in the middle of nowhere in Oklahoma, and there’s a community of like 100 people who live near the monastery. I met a family that literally built an off-the-grid house/shack thing or two, and I admired the design and engineering. They also have the luxury of defaulting to brewing their own coffee and never face the daily dilemma of buying Starbucks coffee because the closest Starbucks is 48 miles away:

D. – “If he did that, he’d have to give up his tablet that he does all his math on. That would be unacceptable. Lol”

And that’s why I can’t live off the grid! I’m too much of a gadget nerd thanks to my engineering background! I was sad because I ran out of engineering paper so I had to use my iPad as scratch paper to carry out difficult math. I guess I could have used my TI-89 graphing calculator but the screen is relatively tiny and too LCDish.

Just you wait! One day my iPad will control my coffee brewing.

R. – I feel like he could have just said, “I like brewed coffee, but I like pumpkin spice flavor as well. Here’s what I found that lets me have both.” I’m not even sure why he’s calculating the cost of lattes when that’s not what he drinks. I’m also not sure why he’s making a side-by-side comparison of brewed coffee and a latte. Try selling brewed coffee to a latte person. Go ahead. Try.”

I agree! I totally should have just said “I like brewed coffee, but I like pumpkin spice flavor as well. Here’s what I found that lets me have both.”  However, that would have been a really short blog post sorely lacking the use of memes and the square camera on my iPhone/iPad. Not only that, because I am a non-literal-tool bag-who-possesses-analytical-tools-and-not-smuts, I wanted to use real math on my iPad because I don’t have engineering paper anymore. 

As explained above, I did attempt to make my own latte, but that didn’t work out. So then I had to do a total jerk move and make normal, black coffee using pumpkin spiced-flavored monk beans, which is fine because I normally don’t drink lattes because A) I don’t know how to make them and B) I like my coffee black because it teaches me life lessons.

And as I recall, in my blog post, I do acknowledge that it isn’t a one-to-one comparison:

I think I’ll just not even try to sell brewed coffee to a latte person or a latte to a brewed coffee person. A coffee barista would be much better at that than me as an aspiring barista with failed latte skills who can do math on iPads.

A. –  “He obviously ran out of worthy things to write about. D is right, this is just a super long commercial for Catholics and coffee growing Monks.”

Uhh, I suppose you don’t read my blog much at all. It’s not like I’ve been consistently blogging for about two years now with some breaks here and there. #FunFact My list of potential blog posts numbers somewhere near 100.

Conveniently, I’ve had blogger’s block for the past two weeks. It’s not like I’ve been busy at home packing and cleaning or preparing for lessons, but even then, I totally appreciate the convenience of these comments and how they totally gave me something worthy to write about even at the postponing of My Next Greatest Blog Post That Only 30 People Will Read.

No, seriously, thank you. 🙂 

Yes, it’s a commercial for Catholics and monks that grow coffee. Sorry to advertise the fact that there’s better and cheaper coffee out there. And like certain math problems, there are multiple solutions to a “I need coffee” problem.

S. – “I love Starbucks and all my favorite baristas!!! You guys rock :-D”

I guess I don’t share the same love for Starbucks. It’s like…too mainstream for me. I guess I’m hipster because I like drinking hot, black coffee before it gets cool (#pun). And Starbucks is too expensive knowing that I can, in fact, cut my coffee costs down. Yes, it’s a cool place to hang out, and the baristas are always cool to talk to. But nah, Starbucks is never my first choice. No offense. But ’tis true. -sips Tim Horton’s coffee literally imported from Canada-

A. – “Miss you S!!!”

Dude, S. A misses you! Aw. Quute.

In conclusion, I appreciate their feedback. Perhaps in these past two weeks since the original blog post I cried maybe ten times, but only once because of what they said. Did I really just admit that? Nuuuu! I’ll get mistaken as a girl even more! >_< But dealing with a friend's death is real stuff in addition to all my interior conflicts. Those are potentially future blog posts, for sure.

Thanks for the criticisms. Really, the most offensive thing was equating me with a tool bag because that denies my humanity in totality. And that ain’t cool. Sometimes when I wear cargo shorts I can put lots of things in my pockets like things that would normally go into a tool bag. But that doesn’t mean that I, myself, am a tool bag. Rude.

But as the prophetess Taylor Swift muses and motivates… I gotta shake it off.

Haterz gonna hate.
– JD

Jimmy Fallon ew // Reddit-Tumblr